這是第三隻燈泡（話說燈泡可以用隻來算嗎？）,第二隻燈泡在上廁所的時候像自殺炸彈客一樣自爆身亡,現在想想該慶幸當時不在房裡,否則會不會被玻璃碎片插遍全身呢(簡直就像一朵仙人掌)？那時在廁所聽見悶悶的爆炸聲不以為意,出來以後也沒察覺什麼不對勁,後來發現房裡暗了,才了解燈泡又自殺了。於是我先小心翼翼地拆下還卡在燈座上的殘骸,接著跪坐在地毯上慢慢摸索,花了半小時清乾淨插在地毯上的碎片,害怕不小心踩到碎片真的變成仙人掌,血流不止與頂上的紅髮相輝映。結果還是沒收拾乾淨哪！剛剛換上第三隻燈泡,眼角瞥見地毯上有塊小面積閃爍發光,彎下腰一看果然是第二隻燈泡的屍體,清不乾淨的碎片,不曉得為何這樣瑣屑的事讓我覺得生活超現實。
這幾個小時又得出新結論,我上輩子一定對你做了很不好的事這輩子才要來償還,償還的方式是心心念念把你的喜怒哀樂掛在心上,即使自己活得沒有比較好還是試圖從遠方隱晦地傳達溫暖給你,然後知道你約莫沒有接收到。人生。超現實的人生。不曉得自己在活什麼的人生。
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Apathy
When the Nazis came for the communists,
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.
When they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.
When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.
When they came for the Jews,
I remained silent;
I was not a Jew.
When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.
by Friedrich Gustav Emil Martin Niemöller
I guess people who have read this poem must have been so touched. Because people have conscience, we mourn for the lost of lives and the lost of humanity. However, what I am confused is how the murdered turns into the murderer? I thought if you've suffered, if you were tortured and tormented, you would understand better what is misery and you would cherish lives and the rights to live more, not only for yourself but for human beings as a whole. I just don't understand why you murder hundreds of people every week and claim yourself as innocent and self-protecting at the same time. I don't see the point. And what makes me so sad and sometimes desperate is how good people are at justifying themselves when they feel the need to. There seems to be nothing wrong with justifying oneself. However, it is a big mistake if you justify murdering.
Apathy. I think this is what the poem wants to convey. Don't be apathetic. If you don't stand up for humanity and the right to live, who's going to stand up for you when you suffer? This is totally not utilitarianism, this is a principle of being a decent person. I don't know if there's any specific way to help people who are suffering, for example, the Palestanian who lives in Gaza and is attacked everyday. However, you can find information on internet so easily. Watch some films about the situation, read some news articles, maybe you would come up with your own affordable way to help them.
We always want to have a happy life. Sometimes we are even greedy, we want to have fun all the time. I'm not saying that people don't deserve a happy life. What I'm saying is, everyone deserves a happy life as you do. You can help people to gain a happier life, you will find the way. Don't look down on yourself. Get up and do something. You know you can and you want to!
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.
When they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.
When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.
When they came for the Jews,
I remained silent;
I was not a Jew.
When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.
by Friedrich Gustav Emil Martin Niemöller
I guess people who have read this poem must have been so touched. Because people have conscience, we mourn for the lost of lives and the lost of humanity. However, what I am confused is how the murdered turns into the murderer? I thought if you've suffered, if you were tortured and tormented, you would understand better what is misery and you would cherish lives and the rights to live more, not only for yourself but for human beings as a whole. I just don't understand why you murder hundreds of people every week and claim yourself as innocent and self-protecting at the same time. I don't see the point. And what makes me so sad and sometimes desperate is how good people are at justifying themselves when they feel the need to. There seems to be nothing wrong with justifying oneself. However, it is a big mistake if you justify murdering.
Apathy. I think this is what the poem wants to convey. Don't be apathetic. If you don't stand up for humanity and the right to live, who's going to stand up for you when you suffer? This is totally not utilitarianism, this is a principle of being a decent person. I don't know if there's any specific way to help people who are suffering, for example, the Palestanian who lives in Gaza and is attacked everyday. However, you can find information on internet so easily. Watch some films about the situation, read some news articles, maybe you would come up with your own affordable way to help them.
We always want to have a happy life. Sometimes we are even greedy, we want to have fun all the time. I'm not saying that people don't deserve a happy life. What I'm saying is, everyone deserves a happy life as you do. You can help people to gain a happier life, you will find the way. Don't look down on yourself. Get up and do something. You know you can and you want to!
Friday, January 09, 2009
Occupation 101
www.occupation101.com
完整影片請看：http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5315818265146715477 畫質不是很好。
在批踢踢上看到人說，想想台灣遭中國侵佔的恐懼，就不會對巴勒斯坦人現今的處境如此無感，我感受到的，就如同去年十一月在美國出差得知台灣朋友遭警察暴力相待，害怕台灣又要變回軍國主義國家的恐懼與無力。
我不曉得真相為何，後來也了解紀錄片不記錄真實、只記錄觀點，這是一個切入事件的角度，不能說它不真實，畢竟那些血肉橫飛、憤怒恐懼都是真的，比較準確一點地說，這部紀錄片反映了某個程度的真實。
起初他們追殺共產主義者
我不說話
因為我不是共產主義者
接著他們追殺社會主義者
我不說話
因為我不是社會主義者
後來他們追殺工會成員
我不說話
因為我不是工會成員
之後他們追殺猶太人
我還是不說話
因為我不是猶太人
最後他們要追殺我
但再也沒有人站起來為我說話了
by Friedrich Gustav Emil Martin Niemöller
我只是深深地不了解，怎麼當初被迫害的現今搖身一變就開始迫害人了而且還理直氣壯？我想我永遠都無法了解人心是如何轉變的。
請站起來為別人說些話、做些事吧！我的確懷疑這樣做能有什麼用，但沉默是壞事。
無能為力
我覺得很傷心、無能為力。
晚上又到抗議現場繞了一圈，今天就沒勇氣靠近，我老是為自己的膚色感到不正當。他們跑去人家的會堂前抗議，還有幾個白人拉著反戰的布條，我也懷疑這樣做到底可以促成什麼。
寒風融雪中的口號聽起來特別淒涼，寒氣從水泥地緩緩上升，把人罩得一頭一臉都是。
我很好奇，當他們穿過示威的人群時，心裡想著什麼，他們敢怒不敢言嗎？還是也覺得抱歉想要掉眼淚？
那時我看Waltz with Bashir的時候理解他憤怒沮喪的心情但不認同，總覺得如果不能平心靜氣地好好檢視雙方的關係、把對方當人看，試著了解對方的心情，那什麼都解決不了。
我覺得自己的想法太過方便了。尤其這幾天讀了一些文章、看了一些照片與影片後。
他人的苦難與自身的苦難。
自己的苦難太小了，一個人死比得上幾百幾千個人隨時隨地都可能身亡嗎？
今天完全靠近不了，才剛到就瞥到他的身影，只好趕快撤退到對街，隔岸觀火。可是我不想袖手旁觀，只是靠近了又怎樣？我還是覺得自己不正當。我最近常想justification。
最近太疲累了，神很傷。
Sunday, January 04, 2009
20090103 Vancouver Rally for Gaza
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jacqwlliu/sets/72157612086258891/I didn't realize this was the first rally/protest/demonstration in my life until I talked to 媽 this morning before I truly went there. I felt embarrased. I thought I was 熱血青年！In the end, I'm just friends with a lot of 熱血青年.
毛澤東說：「革命不是請客吃飯。」
革命一點都不是請客吃飯，千百里之外正有人流血身亡，其實我也想那樣死，感覺比較有尊嚴一些。
我是去照相的，我想或許我可以照些相，讓台灣的大家看看，看看這邊發生了什麼事，我不曉得以色列又開始砲轟加薩走廊這件事對台灣人有什麼影響，或有沒有人
知道這回事。當然會看到這個部落格的人也不多，我想也沒辦法起多少作用，可是還是想，或許我可以做些什麼。並非我厚此薄彼，怎麼當初中共屠殺西藏時我就沒有參加任何一次遊行示威，哎喲當時我還太痛嘛沒有行為能力，另一方面當初沒有人傳遞任何資訊給我，是的我承認我懶惰，沒有人丟訊息過來沒有人在我眼前是確切需要我(我是說，任何一個人)在場參與的，我就不免興致缺缺，但那與厚此薄彼沒有太大關係。我想我是愈描愈黑了。
我一直搞不大懂那個地方到底是發生了什麼事，只總是覺得以色列人實在很糟糕，侵占了人家的家又得了便宜還賣乖，動不動就砲轟人家，就像今天伊朗朋友Leila所說：「They say they are so afraid of being attacked, so they start to attak people.」告訴我，這是哪門子邏輯？
可是我說，什麼時候才能和解呢？以色列人不對，也不代表巴勒斯坦人就，我不曉得就怎樣，只是覺得仇恨太深十分無力，都已經到了2009年了還可以這樣視人命為草籽，心情一不對就摧折，真的很詭異啊！這到底是什麼世界咧？美國人亂來全世界共同譴責，以色列亂來的時候呢？今天上台講話的人說，加拿大是前幾個公開支持以色列砲轟加薩走廊的國家，聽了覺得很丟臉。有種，搞什麼鬼啊到底想怎麼樣的感覺。原來隱身在人群中身分消失之際，不小心就會開始跟著喊口號。
有些口號我跟著喊，有些口號我聽了總覺得不大對頭，我不願意喊巴勒斯坦勝利，我不願意看到哪方勝利，我以為，哪方勝利都是不對的，或者說，得兩方一起勝利才是可行之策，否則還是一直砲轟來砲轟去，哪天才有了結。我猜這是我太過鄉愿與天真的看法。我鄉愿，總想息事寧人；我天真，以為事情這麼簡單，這麼容易就可以解決。一起勝利嗎？
或許，這是世界上所有人共同懷抱的遙不可及的夢想。
可是我很喜歡，例如左邊這張照片裡面的景象，小女孩嘴裡喃喃有詞地唸著口號，手邊抓著地上的雪玩，革命示威遊行口號彷彿成了她生命的一部分，而且不忘遊玩。她的同伴告知她我在拍她，她猛然抬起頭來害羞地抱住媽媽藏起自己的臉，又忍不住看向我，我投以(應該有)友善的微笑，她腆然朝空氣一笑，又把臉藏起來，目光總不敢迎向我的。其實我懷疑自己的身分，我不確定自己為什麼在那裏，我的意思是，當然我知道我反對以色列砲轟加薩走廊，但是......，也不是說『當我的國家需要我時我在哪裡呢』這種自責的情緒，畢竟當初我的自責也沒少過，而是我總忍不住懷疑自己的理由正不正當，我們該看正當的理由還是正當的結果？
人去樓空以後看起來是這樣。不管在哪裡，人去樓空看起來一樣淒涼。離開之前我繞了人群好幾圈想知道哪裡可以捐款，另一方面又怕款項捐了是給人拿去買武器，不是買食物飲水給難民，這豈不是偽善嗎？是不是？這邊集會遊行很乖，抗議喊口號時群情激憤一點也沒少，結束後大家就乖乖走人了，一點麻煩都沒有，也沒有警民衝突，有時候我喜歡坐在Robson和Burrard街角的Blends，就看人示威遊行，常常他們臉上都帶著靦腆的笑容。我們能做的有多少呢？點點照片來看吧！
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