winning a battle, losing the war

he said it was like winning a battle, losing the war for him and sent me the link to the video.
i was instantly drawn to the song and listened carefully to it.
and i started to notice the lyrics and wonder, mmm...
what is he trying to say? I tried not to think too much.

我的心裡住了一隻小野獸，老是徒勞無功地亂走亂竄，大聲咆叫。昨天終於去看了野獸國， Where the Wild Things Are. 不知道幾歲的時候媽媽幫我買了漢聲全套繪本，我小時候很乖，不是隻小野獸，每天都乖乖坐在書房裡面看很多書，不過還是常常被揍得半死，直到小學畢業。

通常我就那樣翻過書頁一頁又一頁，同一本書可以反覆看個十次左右，該當小野獸的時候好有耐心，該幻化人形時卻有點失敗，得掩掩藏藏不能給人知道人皮底下是個張牙舞爪的怪獸。

我最想做的事是破壞房子！在沙堆裡滾來滾去！在山林間縱走奔跑！不怕髒也不會痛，我想要敲打發洩不明所以的怒氣，對這個世界不明所以的怒氣，我還是不懂，還是生氣。

看完電影我流了好久的眼淚，回到家講電話也很委屈地一直掉眼淚，有時候我也會懷疑這是不是日常生活中的自我表演，看著小螢幕裡面自己的哭顏我也會禁不住懷疑，愈來愈像一場表演，還是這一切都是虛假？還是虛假才是真實？

我們怎麼會知道自己想要的是什麼？我們通常都是盲目地就朝著某個方向前進，就像小時候喜歡的那塊破布或玩偶，不管怎樣都要揣在身邊，那種盲目不知所以的喜愛，或許有一天喜愛會消褪，因為沒有人知道什麼叫做永恆。

Even though I'll never need her, 即使我從不需要她，
even though she's only giving me pain, 即使她只帶來痛苦，
I'll be on my knees to feed her, 我會跪下滿足她所有需求，
spend a day to make her smile again 花一天時間讓她重展笑顏。
Even though I'll never need her, 即使我從不需要她，
even though she's only giving me pain 即使她只帶來痛苦，
As the world is soft around her, 有了她的世界如此柔和，
leaving me with nothing to disdain. 我不再鄙視一切。

Even though I'm not her minder, 即使我不是她的守護者，
even though she doesn't want me around, 即使她不想我在身邊，
I am on my feet to find her, 我還是四處走遍要找到她，
to make sure that she is safe and sound. 確保她安全無虞。
Even though I'm not her minder, 即使我不是她的守護者，
even though she doesn't want me around, 即使她不想我在身邊，
I am on my feet to find her, 我還是四處走遍要找到她，
to make sure that she is safe from harm. 確保她不受傷害。

The sun sets on the war, 戰爭就要結束，
the day breaks and everything is new... 又是新的一天到來……